


1001 Ways

by wonker8



Category: Mission: Impossible - Ghost Protocol (2011)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-17
Updated: 2012-08-17
Packaged: 2017-11-12 07:54:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 723
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/488498
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wonker8/pseuds/wonker8
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A short look at how a relationship ends.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1001 Ways

**Author's Note:**

> This is a fill for [Ghostocol kink prompt](http://ghotocol-kink.livejournal.com/1494.html?thread=460758#t460758) where I have to make Ethan and Will not have a happy ending without killing anyone off.

He knows over 1001 ways to kill people. He has to. It’s part of his job. Well, it isn’t really a part of his job, per se, but it might as well as be. After all, he has to analyze every single potential thing that can go wrong with any given mission and come up with at least a gazillion statistical numbers before coming to the decision that this is the correct path to take. That this is the right thing to do.

Ah, his mistake.

It technically isn’t his job any more. Some other brownnose took over his job a while back. And he knows that he shouldn’t feel so bitter about it, but he can’t help it. Desk jobs are safe. It is perfect. If you send someone on a mission (to their deaths, his mind corrects him), you don’t have to see the evidence of it. All of their data gets wiped from the databanks as if they never existed. And you can go on with your life, as if you never condemned anyone to death.

Being on the field is different.

He knew this when he signed up for this job, but he still can’t help but to regret it from time to time. The image of his last failure is burned deep inside his mind, his heart, and he can’t get the image out. It’s always there, lurking, and he wonders if it’s going to cost him the mission one day. If it’s going to cost someone’s life one day.

Even as Ethan’s hands rummage around his body, even as Ethan whispers sweet promises in his ears, even as Ethan’s lips captures his own, he can’t stop the image from attacking.

In those moments, he pulls away from Ethan. In those moments, he runs and shrinks in on himself, refusing to let Ethan see. He knows he’s being ridiculous. Ethan’s long forgiven him, but he can’t forget. He can’t forget the body (not Julia’s, he tells himself. Not Julia’s), nor the blood, nor the way two other agents were sprawled there. He can’t forget the way the whole place stank of failure, reminding him harshly of the truth of all IMF missions.

You can’t save everyone.

There is always someone who ends up taking the fall, taking the blame. It doesn’t matter if they’re innocent or not. Sometimes, he wonders if Ethan ever questions himself, asks himself about the ethics behind all of this. And he knows he’s being foolish because this is Ethan Hunt. There’s nothing to question. He just jumps and the whole world falls over itself to either create more trouble for him or get out of his way.

But he can’t do this anymore. He loves Ethan, he really does. And he suspects the same love is returned. But sometimes, love isn’t enough. Forgiveness isn’t enough. Guilt isn’t enough.

He isn’t enough.

To be truthful, they’ve both been more interested in their jobs than each other. They’ve always put their jobs first. Look at Ethan, he drops his wife for his job, because it’s too dangerous for her. He drops her and drags Will into this mess, into his arms.

But that’s not enough either.

“Ethan,” he says. His voice gets caught in his throat, and he really doesn’t want to do this. He really doesn’t want to say the next few words. But they both have to hear it, because he sure as hell can’t keep living like this, because the next mission might be the one where he loses his grip, where the image causes him to falter, where one or both of them end with bullets riddled in their chests.

“Ethan,” he repeats, trying to clear his airway at the same time. “I can’t do this anymore.”

Their eyes meet and he’s trying to convey the desperation. There’s no answer and no other movement from the other. He sighs softly and grabs his things (already neatly packed. Has been packed for weeks now, just waiting for him to build up enough courage to say the words that needs to be said).

He knows over 1001 ways to kill people. He suspects that Ethan knows even more. But that doesn’t matter because they can’t keep a relationship going. Neither of them can.

Ethan doesn’t try to stop him from leaving this time.


End file.
